_thsc's blog

its you what matters_

2011-06-11T04:07:00.000-07:00

(coldplay - green eyes)

i've been out of this blog for a while, and weirdly it was in the most important and moving time of my life, cause i made the biggest choice of all, of stop hidding, and start fighting, for stop feeling sad, and begin to seek for happiness. and it look al great till i find you, or meet you.
cause you move all my thoughts whith your smile. cause you make all spechless or pointless,
cause i can't get your face off my head. cause i can't forget how were you looking at me, or smiling me. cause i can't stop thinking a way how can i see you again.
cause you make me more happy that anyone else ever did, by just doing nothing, just being there. cause just the remote option of you might look at me as i look at you. move me to keep this up. to try to hold this, so i won't fell apart, and just leave me with nothing... just a big hole about what could be.
cause i can control everything, almost everything, beside what you make me feel...cause to that i'm just guilty, i'm just a colateral damage of you, cause i just can't stand the chance of at least not try to be with you, to take the risk of telling you all this. before it burns me inside.
and i doesn't make this any better, cause it brings me all my feeling right at my face, and it makes me feel so dump or even naiv to think to dream that it isn't just something that my head made, cause i can't stop look at your picture...cause i dream with you near me, just like the first time, looking at me, and smiling, with that one, that shines your face and makes anything else stupid and unnecesary, with that honesty that overwellsme, with those ayes, that push me to hug you, cause they told me to do so.
cause i can't help it. cause my mind doesn't work in this case. cause when it comes to you, i'm just a brainless person, who just do what it feels, and just want to think, that perhaps... you might feel the same.

(in my place, accoustic - coldplay)

carpediem_

2010-12-24T03:52:00.000-08:00

tonight i won't write my thoughts,
cause I can't, cause It hurts, cause is not fair
but mostly cause I'm tired. of loosing.
so here I let you this song

No lo vi nacer
no lo vi crecer
de mi, asi, por ti
no lo vi venir antes de poder decidir
seguir o no seguir

Tu huella se va agrandando
bajo mis pies
si quieres fe lo vas a ver
tu aliento, me va enganchando
como una red
q puedo hacer

Como imaginar
cuando superó el listón de la amistad
no voy a parar
algo va a cambiar
para bien o para mal
el aire se va ensanchando con el rumor
la sensación sin gravedad
levanto, por fin, los brazos para saltar
no hay vuelta atrás

Vamonos es mejor
no fingir, hoy quiero huir
ven aqui mirame
soy feliz
porque hoy quiero huir
vamonos que es mejor
ven aqui
que hay mucho mas por vivir

El aire se va ensanchando con el rumor
la sensacion sin gravedad
levanto, por fin, los brazos para saltar
no hay vuelta atras

cause at least for me there's more than meets the eye


(  Cinco de Enero - Vámonos )

writting out loud right from my chest

2010-10-21T17:08:00.000-07:00

its so frustratting this situation, to be like waiting for a chance to try something new, to find that someone who can fill that part empty. but its so freaking imposible. not cause i want something imposible. just because if i found it. it will never happen. i don't know why, i mean ver often i say that is my karma's fault, so then i can laugh about it... but it seems very true now. this post its so sad but its how i feel know, and what i want to talk but noone listen. i'm so sick inside of keeping to myself how i feel, how i want to live. so sick of waiting for a dream that if i fly away, i might be happy, i might find someone who can join my path.
nothing worth a dime now. whats the point of study, work, be friendly. or even do some good to a estranger, no matter how good i did or how hard i try. nothing change the fact that i'm as lonely as ten years back, as when i didn´t want to realize how its gonna change my life. its just like always. nothing change. and probably it never will. noone do a damn thing to help me out. everytime i want something. its who it has to fight for it. but this fight its doomed. cause its not a object what a want. i need somebody. that feels as i feel when we look eachother.
sometimes i feel it as a curse over my shoulder. like something like a tatoo on my body, that no matter how many layers i put over it. it will never dissapear. cause i'm doomed to be alone.
its funny though... as sad as my post seems, and as bad as i feel my chest and stomach... i can't cry. i can't remember when was the last time i did it. but i guess that's very graphic about how stuck i'm with my feeling. or myself. just like 10 years before this post.
this post my heal the chest pain... but it won't erase it from my mind. cause even when it seems so easy to just not think about why i can't find you. i just can't. i don't know what is on me that put me on this curse. but please go away. i just want to be happy with my partner.
Suede - This Time

_whatamess

2010-06-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

after looking some photos, it's hard to face the truth. it's been a bit more than 10 years since I know you. and everything its just like the first day we talked. its weird. in some way i think i know you better than i really do. cause are those moments when we talk and look each other when i really feel or see whats really happen inside you.
and i guess that all at this point make more a mess inside me. cause its frustrating to see how long we know each other and how much we miss to talk about. its just like i said to you. sometimes i feel you closer when you're far away. i still remember those time when i waited for you to be ready and whe left school later than anyone. just to talked to you from class to the bus stop. 5 minutes?, don't know. but that made my day. it was the same with my soda. just waiting till that moment when i opened it and right away you came runing like it was the last soda you ever will drink. just waiting, just waiting, just waiting!!! o damn it!. why should i always wait. why i am to shy to you to tell you all how it is. why i can tell you that i know the feeling of have something inside that moves you like fire and you don't know how to control it.
now that my trip with no come bakc seems more near that ever. this relation or whatever it is. mess me up more than ever. cause i can face that my time was up. and i probably lost the chance of sharing with you the truth. and i'm truly sorry for that.
but more i'm sorry to myself. for believe to my fears and hide it away this. the only thing i hided for 10 years, and still lives as the first time. what a mess i am.

the_mostimportantdayofmylife

2010-01-25T03:05:00.000-08:00

[Vapour Trail - Aqualung]

Today is probably one of those days I thought it never happened. After all these years all this I've been trough this is it, I finally have face it. Its time to deal with my life it's time to look at straight to the eyes with no shame cause I've got no reasons to. cause from today I can be truly, honest, and put out all this I've been carrying on.

For this long 23 years I thought that this was a punishment for something that I did but I don't know if I deserve it, I try so hard and even thought I would be able to push it out of me, and just pretend it never exist. I really think that I was able to lie to myself to do what I want to do, or what I thought it was right, even if with that i was lying to myself, my friends and of corse my family, cause what I was doing, was deny me from my soul, deny what I am and isolate me or give me the opportunity to understand what I was happening inside.

Cause what people thinks of me matter,

Cause I don't want to be exposed,

Cause I don't want to get hurt,

Cause I don't want to desapoint anyone,

Cause I don't want get trough this,

Cause is easy to lie, and pretend that isn't there,

Cause is better this way,

Cause I can hide it forever,

Cause I don't need it,

Cause I don't feel it,

Cause it won't hurt me,

Cause, and of corse I just want to be happy.

But the truth is I never was, I never will if I can't deal with this. Or even worse if I can deal with myself. If I can see who I am and don't be shame of. For all these years I wasn't proud of what I feel am or what I need.

For all this years I hurt some many people, and everytime i promess me that i won't ever happened again i was just making it deeper, bigger and worse. cause even when the time pass I own you a apology cause I let you apart. cause I lie to you. cause you pass trough something you don't deserve and it wasn't yours, it was mine. and for what its worth i beg you a pardon.

Now, looking back.

I got it,

I can,

I will.

Cause I don't have anything to prove or say. Its what It is. and I'll let that my acts, and behavior talks. cause that's what I am. this is just a part of me. but doesn't change me at all.

Cause I'm tired, I gave up to something that even when everyone believe it. I don't.

Cause even everyone thinks its cool. I don't.

Cause now that I'm happy, I must shut up.

Cause its enough, cause noone can live like these. no one should.

Cause I won't see the time pass trough me without living it

Cause I own you! you will make me do this.

Cause this is the day I must have the guts to face it.

Don't look down.

Don't look back.

Don't be scared.

Don't be ashamed.

Don't feel alone.

And just say what it needs to be said. Just pull it out.

So tomorrow I'll wake up differently.

Like it was the first day of a new step in my life

When the days are brighter, and the colours stronger; feeling happier, honest and lighter than ever.

Cause after all these. I'll be able to be what I want. and not what people want me to be.

I'll fill me with all this joy. with all this truth. cause me and all of you that sorround me deserve it.

For a brand new start. the second of my life!.

25.01.2010 08:24

[Lost - Coldplay]

shooting my stars!

2009-12-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

[Paris - Friendly Fires]

I now know what it's like when they told me that the day is brighter and happier if you feel it... I always thought that it was just a bounch of lies and crap stuff just to hide the truth about being hazed to someone. but now all that stuff is gone... as quickly as we found eachother, as far as I was sure that I can risk all my save cards and try it. and I can feel that it worth every minute, every second that I spend near to you. is getting you closer to me ... everytime that I can feel how you care about me. how nice and addicted is being near to you ... is freakin' scary how I can fall just to think about this... all those signs, all those moments when I can feel that I'm making the right move. I have no clue about where this is gonna take me ... but I'm also ansius about the present and calm about the future ... cause this is the more real thing I've ever had... and I'm not willing to let you go.
Crap! even without you here I got stuck when I try to write out my thoughs, Its just like when I did it last night talking with you, cause you made my night last one...
I'm just thankfull for every minute that I can be with you.. and I wish it never ends... cause this is just to amazing... cause when you're around me I want to be better and greater, just to see if with something that I do, I can give you a smile or make you more happy... cause if you're happy I can explode ahahahaha cause even listen music is nicer now.
Don't know, I just want to make an statement write somewhere that I found this and for the first time I'm truly happy, and nothing, noone at all can change it. cause I must remember that on 2009 I meet you, and we share this, we live it and hopefully... we're still enjoining it together...
just thank you for get into my life. and I hope I can have you here for good!
cause now I know what it's like to be flying...

[Hopipolla - Sigur Ros]

shock me like an e_lectric feel

2009-09-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

[New twin size bed - Death Cab For Cutie]

I just lay down on my bed and i was looking at my cat wondering how can she be so happy with so few thins, i mean she just care about her food, just drink clean water from the bath, and once in a while somebody give her some tickle. it's so simply so white and white, and instead of that I've got to take care of so many things, and even worst cause I want so many things, that makes everything so damn difficult, but at the same time its so simple. i just don't get it, i'm so close to my 23 Bday and I still think that i don't get to point of this, I simply don't know... can i say that it's not fair?, can i blaim someone else? does somebody has my luck?, my destiny of whatever is that doesn't let me do through this in a better way.
Sometimes i see it in a shine way, with all the stuff of the apprentice and retreivement, but then i don't feel the knowledge and its all the same its just like a loop in a small playlist over and over, cause everytime its feel as bad as the first one. or even worst cause i fall with the same rock again. and it is my curse, cause i can share it with anyone, and that makes me even more fake, its just like i use for all this time a huge fake clothes so i can fit in the world, but inside me i know that it is just a clocktime that in any time soon it would end. and i just try as much as i can to make it longer. but i guess that it's simply doesn't work. i really don't know what else to write, cause its something so compressed and i get along with the way to just put it inside and forget about it. just pretend nothing happend, just smile, say what people want to hear, learn what people wants you to learn, made what people wants, and last but not least: be what people wants and expect you to be. cause in the end.... its what only matter.... right?

[Coldplay - Strawberry Swing]

_white

2008-12-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

today was the painting day, after months and i don't really know how many times i said: " today i'm gonna paint", i finally did it, i wasn't as good as it looks in extreme makeover home edition or any of those home renovations shows... my hands are white, i have pinture even in my lips, but at least my bedroom looks nice. it seems that its bigger than before with that awfull colour that it had... i never like it but i'm quite lazy and i never spend enought time to paint. cause i know that i would end it like now... on the other hand i rather say that i what a good mind day, i had plenty time to think about all what i've through this last time... and it shows me that i might be loosing my time in this dream of some kind of relation that i can build. cause seriously i've been dreaming about this almost impossible chance that instead of already relation of more than 6 months. exists the real posibility that for me that can be over. i mean who the hell that has at least something in his brain would do that... noone!!!!, so i just face it, yeap, today it ends the grey staff... now all is white, just like my bedroom's walls. so i made a desition...the only option that i see for all this, cause i can't be like this anymore i mean its lame and boring, is that kind of moods when you want to kick it yourself and i've been keeping this for too much. i must concentrate in me again..focus in things that i can feel proud of, and people that diserve my friendship. this is the right time to straight my life erase all those things that stuck my life in this point... and go, straight and ahead to what i want for me. and for what the destiny put in front of me

well, i just hope that i would make the right decitions... and that everything's gonna be alright.

seeyalater_

thsc

_jump

2008-12-18T14:59:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to write again ... but i guess that it's getting harder cause
the more that i think about this, more sure that i am about what i want to do.
you are always telling me good things and keeping my hope up... but on the other side there's some signs or things that you do that i don't get it... you never call me not even once... and i'm starting to think that if i don't make the contact... you'll never call me back...
so what's the point in this... should i keep trying, or just give up
cause i need more from you, i now that i'm not in position to demand anything... and that is the reason why i will never tell you this, this is my space, the only one where i can be honest, at least with me... just start to give something to fight for, i can't keep fighting like this, please, just give me the right and start to take care of me, cause i really need you here! i can't just be happy when you tell me " i'm just leaving for a couple of days" thatis not fair, cause the first thing that you think after your finish your exams is him, not me , you'll never think to call me and ask me when we can meet?, i mean you promess me that, ahg this is so stupid, why i just don't stop this now, and never speak you again, i guess that i would hurt less if i do that than realise that you just like to have me near to keep you up, to be like your support when him is not around.
cause i envy him so much, cause even when he's far away more than me... he catch you so good, that i can't anything of that.. look i'm not the ego-guys who can deal with this cause they lnow that they're handsome smart and popular... at all, i'm just a regular guy who feels that he founds the one, but that only one person is already in something.. so pretty much i'm screw and i have to take all my sentiments and eat it cause they'll never gonna have an answer like i want to.
well i guess that i very far trip, wouldn't be bad at all...
just please if you have any consideration in me... please just lets make this straight
can you?, i'm ready to jump... even if that is for good or bad... but just let me jump.

[mute]

_thsc

_don'tevennameit

2008-12-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

this is going anywhere, im' just loosing track... i'm in those days when you don't know what is gonna be next, i wish that uncerntaintly is because i'm sharing my path, but the truth is that i'm alone, and i'm starting to feeling that, more than ever, i hate to feel that i can't choose my friends, i mean i don't have troubles with have a few but good friends. but to feel betraded by them... it's just even worst. and there's also you... the first person who made me shut up just beacause you look at me. the person that move my whole world into you, cause now, anything makes sence if you're not there, if i can't tell you, if you can be a part of my life, my real life, but not like now, i want to know that you want to be part of this... share my world, its so difficult this for me, cause in the same way that this is growing in me, it grows this feel of scared to see you leave. i hate weekends, i don't want that friday comes, cause i know, that till monday i can heard at least a word from you!... first weeks, was easy but now its getting difficult, and i'm feeling that i'm loosing this, that in some way, this is just something that I'M living, that I'M living... but isn't the same way for you, but you aprecciate me, so you don0t want to hurt me tell me, that that dream is never gonna be truth. that unfurtunatly for me. our relations is gonna be like this... and nothing more, damn it i want to rapt you so bad, bring you here with me, to my place, and have days to be with you without any university stuff that broke my plans, any phone calls that makes me feel that i'm a dump guy who thinks that is gonna be more that this virtual friend, don't missunderstood me, i'm not saying that i don't want to be that friend... i really do ... but also is unfair to feel this way, and don't have any clue if there's some at least bit response on the other side...
and i don't have the guts to tell you that stay this weekend, cause i know the answer. cause deep inside of me i know that you're not going to stay because of me next weekend, and leave him alone... and i'm so afraid to hear those words from you, that i preffer to shut the fuck up, and just sink with all this inside of me, and just get deeper and deeper... cause that's what it's happening, i tide a huge rock in my feets jump into the sea, and go down, waiting that before i can't see the light. you're gonna come and pull me up, pull me back into a real world, cause virtual is not enought for me. and it never will be. i want real things real time...
i really don't know where this is gonna take me. i just wish i can figure it out, before it vanish me

trying to put words, about what i feel in my stomach.
regards for those who spend their time reading this crap.

[interstate lovesong - stone temple pilots ]

_shiver

2008-11-18T18:43:00.000-08:00

its so tough for me to put my deep thoughts into words, more in a space that can be read it by other people, its even harder, so i'm going to use this song, cause it represents in some way most of the things that are going through me right now, let's see:

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cos you say you see straight through me, don't you?

on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver?
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver?
Don't you shiver?
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you
I will always be waiting…

And it's you I see but you don't see me
And it's you I hear so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

i got shiver, that its what is going throw my blood, the shaking the nervous, the things at my stomach, its all i thing its what send me to bed very late in the night after talk with you, its what wakes me up in the morning, so i can try to catch you online or rather move everything to see you. cause right now, nothing else matters, i just want to set this up, finish all over here and run over there and spend every second that i have with you, looking at you, laughting with you, enjoing and making our stuff, like this that we have every night. cause i'm not going to move anywhere, i will be here ... right here waiting for you, waiting so you can see how much i need you and how much i can give you if let me, and take this risk with me. i'm ready, ready as i never been before, i want to start all from scrach wiith you by my side. cause if you are with me, all make sense for me. i don't care to sacrifice my stuff for you, y preffer that instead of living this sorth of life that i have now. in two weeks you broke more walls that anyone in my 22 years, you reach some place inside of me that noone knows and i'm scared of that, cause i don't want to get hurt again. and i wish that someday, you could save me and take care of me as i want to give to you that.
a chance, i'm living and moving my life around this single bit and remote chance, that you choose to take this risk with me, if this is black jack... i'm all in.
so now just wish me luck!

[ in the waiting line - Zero7]

_thsc

_maybetomorrow!

2008-11-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

this last days have been weird
i was in those thoughs and melancholic times when i'm feeling pointless, and without motivation to stand up again. every was so black, without smiles and happyness. then in the most curious and simple way i found some light. where everyone come to find darkness, i found this warm spot when i can feel free and happy, maybe that's the reason why i'm scare cause i'm not used to find this support or this new reason to smile. cause this last two days colours are more intense, and the sun shines more than ever.
but let's just start from scrach, take a slow breath and just wait, don't make any rush and enjoi,every second that i spent with you and every smile, thanks, for rebuild my hope that i can find somebody that thinks like me

=)

bajofondo - el mareo (w gustavo cerati)

_ijustgotlost?

2008-10-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

its those dayse when you shouldn't get up at all, i mean it is pointless, i didn't worth it at all
the only productive thing that i did was realize that i just at the same spot that i was like 2 years ago. i stuck there, i run away, but everytime i came back to that position, where i don't know
where i'm standing and if should continue with this, i mean really, what it is the point, everyone who i spent some bit of care or time, left me. i spent more than 4 years tooking care of people that i nearly heard from them once in a wild, and that is too much to say. why i can receive the same treat as i try to give. i'm desperate to talk more seroius with somebody, and i just got pointless conversation that leave me in this same karma position, is this really worth it?, am i doing the right thing. should i keep wasting my time in things that at this exactly moment do not care.
why things have to be so hard for me, and i know that's cliché but god knows i'm right
i didn't have the path built as others... an this one is draining all my energy.
i was thinking about leaving, i mean not now but just run away and start from scratch. i sounds marvelous, but it is so sad at the same time, cause i have this uncuestionable truth that if i leave this place almost noone is going to feel it, i was out for 6 months and just a few knew it!
this out of my family for sure, they are with me. sorth of...
but i'm rather sure that the most frustrating thing or feeling of all this. is to feel that even when i know this things, i going to go to bed, and tomorrow everything is going to be alright over and over again. i'm a tiny rock of this beach of sand. if i'm or not. doesn't erase the beach.

lost? (acustic ver) - coldplay

_thsc

2008-08-08T01:53:00.001-07:00

and here we go!
i'm almost there, i mean finally everything is set and i'm coming back, i've to say it
i miss it so bad, i guess that one of the reason why i do not want to come back here. all its so bored, there's absolutely no theme in this room i'm just dreaming with the day my parents sell this bloody place and we can move on, and even if that never happen, i'm more than sure that this is one of the last times that i'm going to stay this longer here.
isn't just something about the place, or the people around me, i might say that is also that even if i try, i cannot fit here. so i just have to go away and find my way, i guess that is the most difficult part and my more deepest doubt of me, where it's my place i will find it somewhere, or it is just something that i'm never going to find?.
people say that you do not find you path, you build it in the way that you're living it, well i see a lot of things to live, i'm happy to see that i can make new groups and hung around with them, and also this all time help me to see that my future is't as difficult as i guess, i can be a very good employee. and i have something i'm my way to act in my workspace that the people around me like, i will try to improve that, and also try to fix some disadvantages that i see in my attitude, i must be more punctual, just like when i was working at northstar. and also take more care about my physical presentation, and how i use the time afterwork to enjoy it.
today it's 08.08.08, for the chinnese culture 8 it's a very lucky numer, so i guess it is a perfect day to star all over again and come back home.
let the game begin
wish me luck

sorry folks if my writting isn't good enought i'm just trying to write as is it going trough my head, and i do not stop to afterreading or things like that, hope if you read it, you can get what i mean

vapour trail - aqualung

_thsc

2008-06-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

viva la vida_!
it's been a while since the last time i recorded some words here, i've been changing some graphics stuff, but i guess that now it's time to put some words in order. so here we go
this last months had changed me definetly to something that i guess that i haven't figure it out entirely. so i'm going to try to explaying what its the meanning of this thought.
at this time i should be stressed about my finals at college and all that stuff, but instead of that i'm just working, well do not missunderstand me i'm not complaining at all it's just that even when i'm very lucky to apply to such a "great" job. i finally made it and i'm working there, one of the most important architectural proyects in the last years. and also i have to say that on this situation for my desitions cause i decided by myself stay longer in usa and take a semester off. but that doesn't take off the feeling that i've got now.
it's that kind of things when you want to stuck the time and don't change anything. it's something that now that i realize the laboral life, for sure that i love with the bottom of my heart my student one. its so easy and the weird of all this its that i can't figure it out if its a good or a bad thing. it doesn't make me feel happier. but it makes me wonder about the future, and remember how it was a few years ago when i was chatting with my best friend alexis, about wich name should my e mail direction had. and finally we decided that the best name it must be something that i could use as a nickname, or something i really like. and there you go : the scientist, by coldplay, one of the very first songs that showed me that even when everything its kind of lost, we can still beleive in a good future or hope that everything its gonna be just fine. well a few albums later this guys made it again. but this song doesn't replace the first one, cause that one it's me - in this nonreal wolrd.- this song is my new song. that remind me everyday that it was right. everything wasn't lost. and of course i can rule this world!.
well i'm pretty sure that i'm just writing words without a really meaning, but at least i try to fit everything thta it was on my head on this moment. in a kind of cohesive thought.
regards my friends.

[coldplay | viva la vida ]

_thsc

let's break this night with colours (8)

2007-04-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

haber los contextualizo, es jueves.. tengo entrega mañana a las 12.00, debo hacer un ppt, y enchular un modelo 3d de sketchup, son esos días en que estoy cuasi depre, pero tengo tantas cosas para no estarlo, que no lo estoy, dias en los que quiero ir a sentarme a mirar como el mar suena en mi balcón, ( no saben cuan bien le puede hacer a una persona ese elemento de la naturaleza), pero filo, eso no es por lo que escribo hoy, y no quiero desvirtuar el tema por el que creo que empecé esta entrada, que básicamente va relacionado a porque cuando tengo tantas cosas que hacer " pierdo mi tiempo" escribiendo algo que en estricto rigor, no me va a dejar nada ... me refiero a lo que si me va a dejar el entregar a la hora o hacer un buen trabajo para taller... teoricamente hablando.

y bueno la respuesta básicamente: no losé, son esos nosé a como porque mantienes relaciones que te hacen daño, porque quieres controlar todo, porque siempre quiero que todos estén bien por sobre el mi estar bien, o porque me muevo por las vidas y vivencias de los que me importan, porque en estricto rigor, yo vivo, osea así lo siento, pero no vivo lo mi, me refiero a que vivo en relación a los demás y me ha costado mucho dejar de hacerlo, conocerme realmente que y como es el ser que quiero ser y parecer, porque eso de parecer alguien que no era .. como antes, ya no funka, aca las caretas luego de 24hrs trabajando se van al coño, y no es la manera de empezar una vida, MI nueva vida aquí, que he podido compartir y unir con lo mejor que tengo allá, ese allá lleno de dolor y que aprendi a reconocer y a recordar como un aprendizaje a palos, porque así aprendo a no confiar tan rapido, a no desmoronarme de una, no soy un raton de biblioteca, eso está claro, soy un cabro chico de laboratorio, que cuando explota algo entiende que la formula está mal.. y en realidad nosé porque hablo de esto
es porque derepente me gustaria meterme en la vida de los demás y arreglarlas, o sobrepasar ese límite de buen amigo que sólo trata de hablar de la mejor manera y ser más activo,tomarme atribuciones que no debo ... pero para que?, acaso podría eso permitirme vivir mejor, o estar más feliz, porque si vivo en relación a los demás perfectamente es coherente.si los que me importan están bien yo lo estoy... pero creo que en algun momento en el que empecé a escribir me di cuenta que ya no es así
que porfin he logrado forjar mi propia existencia, donde los que me rodean la afectan, pero ya no manipulan, y eso me hace valerme mejor a mi mismo... y que chistoso esto de sentir que escribo o como diría raffo verborreo de una manera impresionante pedazos de lo que pienso todos los dias donde, lucho con el pendejo insensato que no analizaba sus actos y sólo actuaba, recuerdas alexis?,

a lo que voy realmente ... es que nosé cual será la formula de felicidad que "tu" necesitas, pero te puedo decir que la que yo tengo ahroa, me ha costado mucho encontrar y realmente no te puedo afirmar que soy tan feliz como lo escribo, porque creo que soy mucho mas nico, del que era hace varios años atrás, que disfruto una conversación mucho más, que atesoro mucho más cada una de las cosas que me pasan, proque las disfruto a concho, sin pensar en como debo hacerlas, sinó en como me gustaria hacerlas.... y sabes que ... creo que el lograr concocerme a este punto, donde ya los dias de depresivo en la pieza oscura escuchando the blower's daughter de damian rice... pasaron a atardeceres o noches escuchando el mar...
ese tipo de cambios, demuestran un proceso un avance,.. que espero y no quiero retroceder.. porque tropesar dos veces con la msima piedra duele, pero más allá del dolor hay una decepción con uno mismo... de no ser capaz de cumplirle al ser que le debo la mayor de mis confianzas y lealtades.. a mi mismo

saben?, no lean este jugo mental ... es bastante vago y nosé deben estar tan jugosos o en ese estado que no se puede definir, como pa darse semejante paja

xD

creanme soy... el autor ..

pd. igual desvirtué en mala mi tema, trataré de no hacerlo tanto... la próxima vez..

[break the night with colours- richard ashcroft]
_thsc

2007-03-01T02:28:00.000-08:00

a momentos se hace dificil escribir en este tipo de medio, básicamente por la falta de costumbre y por mi nula tendencia a escribir las cosas que pasan por mi cabeza.. pero aqui estamos y para mi esto es un desafio, más allá de lo que realmente pienso.

y en este "prólogo" a mi blog quiero explicar que es lo que busco, cual es el sentido de este espacio... quería escribir y contar todas esas cosas que se ven a primera vista rutinarias.. pero que pueden tener otra vista, de todas aquellas cosas que mueven mi diario vivir, y como estas también determinan como me relaciono con mi entorno.

nosé no quiero dar catedra ni mucho menos imponer mi punto de vista, es tan sólo el mostrar como ve el mundo una persona X que quiere saber si hay mas gente que vive la vida similar o que pueden opinar y hacer un simple texto, algo o mucho más valioso ...

como leeran mi vocabulario es muy simple, y no tengo grandes cualidades gramaticales ortográficas ni mucho menos literarias...

pero si quiere leer algo mucho mas simple.pero no menos profundo

gracias por quedarse aqui y llegar a este punto

[tarde..am...sindormir]

mute

_thsc