writting out loud right from my chest

its so frustratting this situation, to be like waiting for a chance to try something new, to find that someone who can fill that part empty. but its so freaking imposible. not cause i want something imposible. just because if i found it. it will never happen. i don't know why, i mean ver often i say that is my karma's fault, so then i can laugh about it... but it seems very true now. this post its so sad but its how i feel know, and what i want to talk but noone listen. i'm so sick inside of keeping to myself how i feel, how i want to live. so sick of waiting for a dream that if i fly away, i might be happy, i might find someone who can join my path.
nothing worth a dime now. whats the point of study, work, be friendly. or even do some good to a estranger, no matter how good i did or how hard i try. nothing change the fact that i'm as lonely as ten years back, as when i didn´t want to realize how its gonna change my life. its just like always. nothing change. and probably it never will. noone do a damn thing to help me out. everytime i want something. its who it has to fight for it. but this fight its doomed. cause its not a object what a want. i need somebody. that feels as i feel when we look eachother.
sometimes i feel it as a curse over my shoulder. like something like a tatoo on my body, that no matter how many layers i put over it. it will never dissapear. cause i'm doomed to be alone.
its funny though... as sad as my post seems, and as bad as i feel my chest and stomach... i can't cry. i can't remember when was the last time i did it. but i guess that's very graphic about how stuck i'm with my feeling. or myself. just like 10 years before this post.
this post my heal the chest pain... but it won't erase it from my mind. cause even when it seems so easy to just not think about why i can't find you. i just can't. i don't know what is on me that put me on this curse. but please go away. i just want to be happy with my partner.
Suede - This Time