shock me like an e_lectric feel

[New twin size bed - Death Cab For Cutie]

I just lay down on my bed and i was looking at my cat wondering how can she be so happy with so few thins, i mean she just care about her food, just drink clean water from the bath, and once in a while somebody give her some tickle. it's so simply so white and white, and instead of that I've got to take care of so many things, and even worst cause I want so many things, that makes everything so damn difficult, but at the same time its so simple. i just don't get it, i'm so close to my 23 Bday and I still think that i don't get to point of this, I simply don't know... can i say that it's not fair?, can i blaim someone else? does somebody has my luck?, my destiny of whatever is that doesn't let me do through this in a better way.
Sometimes i see it in a shine way, with all the stuff of the apprentice and retreivement, but then i don't feel the knowledge and its all the same its just like a loop in a small playlist over and over, cause everytime its feel as bad as the first one. or even worst cause i fall with the same rock again. and it is my curse, cause i can share it with anyone, and that makes me even more fake, its just like i use for all this time a huge fake clothes so i can fit in the world, but inside me i know that it is just a clocktime that in any time soon it would end. and i just try as much as i can to make it longer. but i guess that it's simply doesn't work. i really don't know what else to write, cause its something so compressed and i get along with the way to just put it inside and forget about it. just pretend nothing happend, just smile, say what people want to hear, learn what people wants you to learn, made what people wants, and last but not least: be what people wants and expect you to be. cause in the end.... its what only matter.... right?

[Coldplay - Strawberry Swing]