[Vapour Trail - Aqualung]
Today is probably one of those days I thought it never happened. After all these years all this I've been trough this is it, I finally have face it. Its time to deal with my life it's time to look at straight to the eyes with no shame cause I've got no reasons to. cause from today I can be truly, honest, and put out all this I've been carrying on.
For this long 23 years I thought that this was a punishment for something that I did but I don't know if I deserve it, I try so hard and even thought I would be able to push it out of me, and just pretend it never exist. I really think that I was able to lie to myself to do what I want to do, or what I thought it was right, even if with that i was lying to myself, my friends and of corse my family, cause what I was doing, was deny me from my soul, deny what I am and isolate me or give me the opportunity to understand what I was happening inside.
Cause what people thinks of me matter,
Cause I don't want to be exposed,
Cause I don't want to get hurt,
Cause I don't want to desapoint anyone,
Cause I don't want get trough this,
Cause is easy to lie, and pretend that isn't there,
Cause is better this way,
Cause I can hide it forever,
Cause I don't need it,
Cause I don't feel it,
Cause it won't hurt me,
Cause, and of corse I just want to be happy.
But the truth is I never was, I never will if I can't deal with this. Or even worse if I can deal with myself. If I can see who I am and don't be shame of. For all these years I wasn't proud of what I feel am or what I need.
For all this years I hurt some many people, and everytime i promess me that i won't ever happened again i was just making it deeper, bigger and worse. cause even when the time pass I own you a apology cause I let you apart. cause I lie to you. cause you pass trough something you don't deserve and it wasn't yours, it was mine. and for what its worth i beg you a pardon.
Now, looking back.
I got it,
I can,
I will.
Cause I don't have anything to prove or say. Its what It is. and I'll let that my acts, and behavior talks. cause that's what I am. this is just a part of me. but doesn't change me at all.
Cause I'm tired, I gave up to something that even when everyone believe it. I don't.
Cause even everyone thinks its cool. I don't.
Cause now that I'm happy, I must shut up.
Cause its enough, cause noone can live like these. no one should.
Cause I won't see the time pass trough me without living it
Cause I own you! you will make me do this.
Cause this is the day I must have the guts to face it.
Don't look down.
Don't look back.
Don't be scared.
Don't be ashamed.
Don't feel alone.
And just say what it needs to be said. Just pull it out.
So tomorrow I'll wake up differently.
Like it was the first day of a new step in my life
When the days are brighter, and the colours stronger; feeling happier, honest and lighter than ever.
Cause after all these. I'll be able to be what I want. and not what people want me to be.
I'll fill me with all this joy. with all this truth. cause me and all of you that sorround me deserve it.
For a brand new start. the second of my life!.
25.01.2010 08:24
[Lost - Coldplay]
